Compiled by Ken Rasak, who can be reached at ken@kenrasak.com
Craig Ferguson, "The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson": "President Bush arrived in South Korea today, and they had to use water cannons to push back the protesters. This shows you the change in times. When Bill Clinton visited there, they used the same water cannons for the wet T-shirt contest."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "The moderators were announced for the upcoming presidential debates. Barack Obama insisted on someone who asks evenhanded questions, while John McCain insisted on someone who will talk into his good ear."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "The Olympics begin in Beijing on Friday. The great thing about these games is there are no heavy favorites. In fact, the only thing locked up in China right now is the Tibetan delegation."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Kansas Senator Sam Brownback says China will spy on Olympic visitors, including journalists and human rights activists. To which President Bush said, 'Since when do you need an Olympics to do that?'"
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Police are seeing a new crime trend as thieves are skimming drivers' credit card data at fuel pumps. So now every time you fill up, you're probably getting robbed twice."
Barach on a study which says living with a spouse lowers the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease: "For men, that's true. Mostly because their wives never let them forget anything they've ever done wrong."